Life Lessons
Take time to make time, make time to be there, so the lyrics go. These powerful words echoed in my head as I listened to a father talk to his adult son one evening about the importance of showing up for family. “Nobody really wants to attend a kid’s birthday party, but you go because that’s what family does,” he explained. His son sat there quietly. I couldn’t see his face because the room was dimly lit, but I felt the exchange between them and it was uncomfortable even for me. I know from experience that sometimes you don’t really grasp the reality of something until it affects you personally. His failing to show up wasn’t deliberate. He works hard every day and non-work time is precious. I get it, we all do. But this got me thinking on a deeper level, which led me into the next train of thought chugging through my little brain.
Why it Matters
I guarantee that the child will never know or even care that his presence was missed, but I dare say that he was missed by the rest of the family. We all know life is busy. It’s hard enough to get the immediate family together just for dinner plans never mind coordinating a party with family, friends, and loved ones who live in opposite directions and different states. It’s nearly impossible to do, yet we try anyway. Why? Because connections and memories matter, that’s why. The older I get, the more I realize that someone’s presence is often more important than the present itself. Being invited to partake in another person’s experience shouldn’t feel like an obligation, although sometimes it does. But what if we saw that obligation as an opportunity instead? An opportunity to take a time out from work and responsibilities to simply reconnect with our people. I have never been to a gathering of any kind where food and socialization is not a critical component of the event. People sit around tables filling their faces and laughing about “remember when” stories and catching each other up on the latest family news. The older people sit back and survey the crowd making remarks about how big everyone has grown and how so much has changed since they were “this or that” age. Little kids chase each other around making games out of nothing because they haven’t yet lost their imaginations like we have. It’s a snapshot in time and if we don’t attend these events, we have missed our opportunity to be part of that picture. A picture that will be remembered and relayed to generations to come. This is how we stay connected in our lifetime. This is how we remain even when we are gone.
There’s No Time Like the Present
The holiday season is fast approaching. Some families even have birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries sprinkled into these already busy months. People will be scrambling to navigate day-to-day responsibilities as time gets shorter and expectations grow longer. I feel the tension already. Breathe! Start making some to-do lists now. Shop a little here and there before the stores get crazy. If you are a card person, start filling them out now. If you are hosting a holiday party, organize it on paper first and then tackle it bit by bit or delegate what you can. There is no shame in asking guests to bring something to the table. Don’t wait for the last minute. Things can go wrong and people get sick, so give yourself some buffer time. If you are traveling for the holidays, make necessary reservations and arrangements for pet or house sitters. By now, most of us are well-seasoned adults and know the drill. We know what to expect, how much time it will take, and who we are going to interact with, so customize your plans to meet your specific needs.
I think the key to being able to enjoy these moments “more” is having the foresight to plan ahead as much as possible. Give it a try, it certainly can’t hurt. If self-discipline isn’t your strong suit, this is a perfect opportunity to test yourself. Within the next couple of months, you will know whether this strategy helps you feel less stressed attending family events. If you aren’t worrying about all the things you “have” to do as you watch the clock ticking away hours of your life, you are more likely to be in the moment for the right reasons. And those reasons matter to the people we love and hold dear.
*Lyrics by Little River Band