Nurturing Lasting Love
Valentine’s Day is a mixed bag of feelings. Some people love it and others hate it. I guess it depends on which side of love you are on whether you embrace it or avoid it. Since maintaining love is a full-time job and finding love feels like a never-ending one, I am dedicating this blog to the cards. There’s something for everyone in every reading, so let’s see what the cards have to say for the month of love.
Strengthening Your Relationship Foundation
Consider Your Foundation: This card commands your attention. It’s easy to take things and our loved ones for granted, so taking inventory now and then is a good way to minimize damage before it gets out of control. How committed are you to the relationship you are in or hope to be in? Are you putting in the effort to stay connected, communicate, and provide a safe haven from the outside world? Relationships of all kinds require attention and maintenance. If you only give small bits and pieces of yourself yet expect someone else to do all the heavy lifting in your relationship, it will eventually start to crumble. It takes two people to make something work, but sometimes it only takes one to collapse it. Love is exciting in the beginning but that’s not love. It’s attraction and hormones surging through your body. Love comes from getting to know each other, which includes the good, bad, and not-so-pretty parts of ourselves. It is the day-to-day investment you make towards a lifetime of goals and memories. If you can’t see yourself growing old with the partner you are with now, it may be time to reconsider your motives. Is this relationship a diversion or a stepping stone? If so, you are being unfair to that other person. Let them go. On the other hand, if you find yourself questioning your relationship for whatever reason, what is causing the tension or doubt? Are you not meeting each other’s needs? Are you present for each other? Is a heart-to-heart warranted? Is a compromise possible? Are you listening to each other? These things sound so simple, yet we are all guilty of neglect at times. If you truly love each other, anything is possible if both parties work toward a common goal. But it is imperative to understand that it takes two people to share a willingness to change things that aren’t working. Even if one partner is committed to change, the other partner may start to follow because the essence of your relationship begins to feel safe and loving again. It may not be easy, but it may be worth it.
UnVeiling the Layers of Relationships
The Heart of the Matter: Denial is a powerful force. If you avoid the truth because you don’t want to believe it or deal with it, you are only hurting yourself in the end. The same goes for playing the blame game. If patterns keep surfacing over and over, it’s time to look at the bigger picture. It is not unusual for undesirable behavior to surface at unlikely moments. That is because our reactions aren’t always tied to a current event. They are deeply imbedded within us from previous trauma. They have been labeled as triggers. We all have them and the part of our brain called the amygdala keeps the score. It is the part of our brain that controls whether we view our partner as safe or a threat regardless of the current situation that is happening. Some of us have more trauma than others depending on our childhood or past romantic relationships. Sometimes you have to read between the lines to understand that what you may call an over reaction is really a result of post traumatic stress. Sometimes it’s the words that cause a trigger but it can just as easily be a feeling that is triggered, which feels overwhelming in the heat of the moment. Just like everything else, connection and communication is critical for healthy relationships. For someone to open up and talk about this requires a lot of patience, empathy, and compassion from their partner. If you aren’t making your partner feel safe, loved, and wanted every day then neither of you may discover what’s at the core of certain habits or behavior. Partners need to create a safe and loving space for each other for connection and growth to occur. Loving someone is like a mystery to be solved. There are twists and turns. There are red flags and red herrings. There are mountains and valleys. There are choices to be made. Love is not superficial. Love is deep and tangled and sometimes even magical. Don’t take your relationship for face value because the most precious things in life are often not seen with the naked eye. They are felt and experienced.
Cultivating Love Through Thoughtful Actions
Do Something for Someone Else: This one is actually quite simple in the grand scheme of things. Explore the concept of effort as a meaningful expression of love. Small gestures create big results. What does your partner like? A back rub, a chore-free evening, date night, flowers, a special meal, alone time, someone to listen to them, or coffee in bed? Simple right? It’s not so much about the exact gesture as it is the effort behind it. If you only do it once to impress or when you are trying to make up after a fight, it’s not going to be as meaningful as it you are making a conscious effort to do something nice for them on a regular basis. Effort matters. When your partner feels appreciated and loved, they will reciprocate assuming you are in a healthy relationship. It also feels good to see your partner happy, which naturally heightens your feelings towards each other. It’s a win-win for love!
